On Nov 6, 2012, my husband and I were standing in line to vote when my Dad called from Missouri to tell us he had an aggressive form of prostate cancer.  By the next year, I had left the Air Force, my husband got a job back with a former employer and we packed up the house and little ones and moved back to Missouri, back near family.  What seemed like overnight,  I went from Air Force Civil Engineer (with Top-Secret Clearance), to, what I called, “Domestic Engineer”, because stay-at-home-mom, just doesn’t do the job justice.  Although, personally, it was one of the biggest adjustments I’ve ever had to make, I am so unfathomably grateful for that time in my life. In Nov 2018, after six beautiful and hard-fought years, Dad died. In a moment, I felt like I lost my guiding light. He was 67 and he and my step-mom had just arrived at their “happy place”. It was the toughest of blows for our entire family.

More Health Problems

About the same time my Dad’s health was declining, I was having a hard time with my own and it started taking over, eventually coming out through my skin in hives and severe eczema. My body felt as if it was in a constant state of reacting to, what felt like, everything.  Anyone who still thinks stress can’t make your body sick, I’m here to tell you it can, and it does. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, it felt like I couldn’t do anything normal.  I honestly don’t know how we made it through. Managing my symptoms is still a daily challenge, and having dealt with systemic issues for years, still frequently gets the best of not only me, but also my family. They have had to completely adjust to my daily struggles and limitations, especially my husband, and I can’t imagine how this life could work without the family I have.  The more time goes on, the more I lament chronic pain and disease everywhere, robbing families and communities of freedom and joy, which I believe to be a birthright.  I know for me, it feels like a full-time job every day to just show up as who I want to be, or as close to it as I can.  Chronic pain, in any form, is not sustainable. And when something isn’t sustainable, instead of healing over time, the more time goes by, the harder it gets.  Much like a business, you need help so you can focus on the one thing that would change everything, the root.

I will say, my health journey has forced me to slow down….like way, way, down. I have always loved books and when the kids were little I wasn’t sure I would ever read again.  Now I devour books (lots of nerdy books) and they help distract me from how my body feels.  It has also fueled my entrepreneurial fire to learn business and try to make solid investments, like Dad tried to teach us, knowing I will likely never go back to the workplace.  I know, as a mom with a sick body, being able to choose my schedule (and environment), is our only choice right now.  But one day, one very fine day, my body will start firing on all cylinders again, and I just can’t wait!

High Hopes

I have high hopes for our future, your future, and our kids' future. We can build bridges, help others, share what we learn and learn from others. We can keep talking about health and wellness and how important a nurturing environment is. Calling on my maternal instinct, faith, and love of learning, despite anything I was going through, has brought me solace in desperate times. This journey, and the people alongside me, have led me to so many discoveries for which I am infinitely grateful.  Now, as I have seen these incredible people do for me and for their community, I want to do the same. I want to contribute and give back by holding this space to listen, problem-solve, take action that feels right, share successes, in life and work, and in community with others. 

There is no doubt in my mind if you are here reading this, something brought you here. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been pulled to something only to discover later it was the exact thing I needed at that moment. Oftentimes these are comforting, beautiful experiences, but also these nudges will mean going into the unknown and uncomfortable. Even having read this far, you may not be ready, but I’m so glad you’re here. I’m so glad you’re here because that means you have taken the first big step, you have awareness.

So I ask you to invest in and find your fire for this life with me, and remember to allow yourself to discover solace, beauty, and some fun along the way!